Protecting Yourself if You are Being Stalked

I. STALKING CHECKLIST

To help determine whether you or someone you know is a victim of stalking, see if anything on the following checklist of sample stalking behaviors matches your situation.

Does a current or former spouse or boyfriend, friend, coworker, neighbor, casual acquaintance or complete stranger . . .

Leave harassing, threatening or obscene messages on your answering machine at home or at your workplace?

Call you repeatedly at your home or workplace, even when asked to stop?

Insist on giving you unwanted gifts, cards, notes or letters?

Watch you or follow you at a distance?

Appear at or drive by your workplace, home or any other place you frequent in your daily activities?

Harass or question your family members, friends, acquaintances or co-workers as to your whereabouts?

Repeatedly send you unwanted e-mail messages?

Photograph or video you repeatedly?

Vandalize or deface your property, car, mail, etc.?

Repeatedly confront you (or your family members) with verbal or physical threats?

Act in some other manner so that your own personal safety feels compromised on a continuing basis?

Stalking can encompass a wide range of behaviors, only some of which are listed above. A stalker may employ very subtle forms of harassment that can, nonetheless, cause a great deal of fear.

II. DEALING WITH STALKING

Although no solution is foolproof, the strategies listed below can help reduce the potential danger of stalking.

Some require dealing with the legal system and the courts, while others are self-help techniques that you can do on your own. A few of the strategies will help you prepare for taking legal action. Remember, even if you do not anticipate involving the police or the courts at this time, it is best to keep your options open in case something changes. You do not want to disregard a strategy now that may help you take future action. You should also keep in mind that not all strategies will be right for you at all times. Some strategies may impose risks or costs that you do not want to take on, or you may find that different strategies are more or less helpful as your circumstances change. Only you can decide what is appropriate for you.


1. Keep Records

Maintain a stalking log. This can be a crucial part of your self-protection and can prove invaluable should you decide to take legal action. Keep a record of all of the stalker’s activities or actions, noting the dates, and if possible, the times at which they occurred. This is an essential step to take because, in most states, you cannot obtain a conviction for a crime without knowing the date on which the crime occurred. Because you may need to give the police or your attorney a copy of your recrds,do not keep the log as part of your personal diary.
For an example of a stalking log, you can visit the National Center for Victims of Crime website at www.ncvc.org.

Save all evidence documenting the stalking: letters, e-mails, notes, gifts or messages left on your answering machine. Take pictures of destroyed property. Make copies of everything you can, and keep the copies in a safe place or with someone you trust. Evidence of the stalker’s acts can help establish the “intent” requirement present in many states’ stalking statutes, facilitating a conviction.


2. Protect Yourself

Change phone numbers. Have the phone company keep your number unlisted or install caller identification on your telephone. If possible, have coworkers or the receptionist at work screen your calls. You may want to have your name and number removed from the automated phone directory at work.

Try to keep the stalker from gaining personal information about you. Particularly if the stalker does not have your address or if you have moved, consider removing your home address from all checks, business cards and letterheads. Change your mailing address to a private post office box. Place property titles in a trust so that the stalker cannot obtain your address from public records. If your state or county authorizes it, request that voter registration and driver's license information remain confidential. If your local or state agencies do release addresses to anyone who requests them, you should request in writing that your address not be released to anyone but the authorities.

Change your passwords for e-mail or other computer access often and do not tell anyone your passwords or use passwords that a stalker or anyone else could easily guess. Pick a user identification that does not use your real name. Do not reveal any personal information in public spaces on-line, such as chat rooms.


You may want to protect your confidentiality online by not selecting any of the options for your Internet service to remember the user’s name or password. You may also want to clear the search history on your browser to keep the stalker from knowing what sites you have recently viewed. You may want to consult the police or other experts in dealing with stalkers before exercising this option, because knowledge of the stalker’s behaviors may, in some cases, assist in anticipating future threats and potential danger.


In cases of cyberstalking, contact the stalker’s Internet Service Provider (ISP). Many ISPs prohibit harassment through use of their system and will sometimes respond by closing the stalker’s account. Identify the ISP through the domain name following the “@” sign, and contact the system administrator through the company’s web site. Remain aware of your surroundings. This will help you detect and prevent uncomfortable or dangerous situations.


Vary daily routines, driving and walking routes, and places where you shop. It is a good idea to change any social habits that the stalker knows. You may want to go to a new church, a different gym, and change which bars or clubs you frequent.


Try to avoid traveling alone especially in places where you will be away from the public. If you are being followed while driving, do not drive directly home. If the stalker does not know where you live, do not risk revealing it to him. If possible, when you leave work, have a security guard escort you to your car or to the nearest public transportation stop.


Consider informing friends, family and neighbors of the situation, as they could help keep you out of danger and/or serve as potential witnesses. If they do not know what the stalker looks like, show them any pictures you may have. If you do not have a picture, consider carrying a camera with you in the event that the stalker approaches you again.

Warn any friends, neighbors, family, landlords, security guards, employers, etc. that any cooperation with the stalker acts as encouragement. Request that they
not cooperate or encourage the stalker in any way; and realize that if they cooperate with or encourage a stalker, they may be held liable for any subsequent action that the stalker takes against you.

Do not give out information about friends, confidantes, or potential new partners to the stalker. Be leery of please for discussion, meetings or attempts to reconcile; this can put you within physical reach of a potentially dangerous person.

If you work in a large company, you may want to ask your supervisor for a transfer to another office area or branch. Depending on the specifics of the case, your employer may provide additional security measures to reduce your exposure to the stalker. Informing coworkers also can be useful, as they may be more aware of unusual or suspicious activity in the workplace and may later be able to confirm your account of the stalking.

You may want to provide a copy of any protection orders that you have to your employer. You may want to give copies to your supervisor, the legal department, and
security personnel. In some states your employer may also be able to get a protective order for you. (See below for more information on protective orders.)
Consider adding additional home protection, such as dead bolts, outdoor lights and, if possible, a home security system. Change your locks if the stalker has
access to your keys.

You might also consider enrolling in a self-defense class
and participating in support groups.

Involve the Police and the Courts

If it is safe for you to do so, report any and all threats to the police and notify the police of any illegal acts. If possible, contact the police as soon as an incident occurs.

Should the police seem unhelpful, unresponsive or unwilling to help you don’t panic. Simply get their names and badge numbers and report them to their supervisor and attempt to report your complaint to another officer.

You may want to obtain a protective order or restraining order. These orders can prohibit the stalker from coming within a specified distance of you, your home or your workplace.

§ Contact a local domestic violence program or go to your local courthouse and find out if you qualify for a protective order; if you do, apply for an order immediately. If you are told that you do not qualify, make absolutely sure (e.g., speak to a supervisor), because the person you see initially may not have adequate training or awareness of recent changes in the law. A list of some state domestic violence coalitions is available on the National Coalition


Against Domestic Violence website, www.ncadv.org.
§ Note that in some states, protective orders can be obtained in either criminal court or civil court.

§ Be sure not to place your home address or telephone number on the actual order, as this will probably become a public record and can easily be obtained by anyone, particularly a stalker who did not previously know your current address.

§ State laws vary. Consequently, after obtaining the order, find out what will be required of you if your stalker violates the order, and what type of proof or documentation you will need to begin prosecution, if necessary. Find out what a police officer who comes to your aid is obligated to do if the stalker violates the order. Also, find out when the order will be served on the stalker, as you may want to take special precautions for yourself and your family at that time.

When possible, file criminal charges against your stalker. Insist on your rights even if the police seem dismissive. After being encouraged to file charges by a female prosecutor, one woman encountered a police employee who only begrudgingly allowed her to file the complaint while another cracked jokes about it. She noted, however, that filing the complaint saved her life. “Last May, [the stalker] was caught by police on my block with a loaded gn. When the officers learned that I had lodged formal complaints, it made a crucial difference: They could arrest [the stalker] without his actually attacking me.”

If possible, bring a civil suit (a suit brought by you and your attorney, not by the state) against the stalker even if you decide not to press criminal charges. If you win your lawsuit, a court may order the defendant to pay you money to compensate for medical and other expenses that resulted from the stalking or for the resulting pain, suffering and physical and mental injuries. Some states have statutes pertaining specifically to stalking behavior that enable you to sue for monetary damages.

In states that lack these provisions, potential claims include “assault and battery” (someone has touched you without your consent),“intentional infliction of emotional distress” (a person acted in a shocking way and intended for you to suffer severe emotional harm or knows that acting in that manner would cause you to suffer such harm) and invasion of privacy. Talk to an attorney about these options.

III. CONCLUSION
The strategies listed above provide useful tools for dealing with stalking. Some of them are relatively easy to undertake in terms of time and money.

Unfortunately, though, some of the strategies may be costly and time-consuming. Similarly, regardless of cost, only certain strategies may be appropriate for you in your specific circumstances. Remember, though, that you are not alone. The lists provided at the end of this kit include contact information for organizations that may be able to assist you.

HIV/AIDS and Domestic Violence

Women’s inability to negotiate safe sex and refuse unwanted sex is closely linked to the high prevalence HIV/AIDS. Unwanted sex — from being unable to say “no!” to a partner and be heard, to sexual assault such as rape — results in a higher risk of abrasion and bleeding, providing a ready avenue for transmission of the virus. Both realities obliterate women’s ability to protect themselves from infection.Violence is a cause as well as a consequence of HIV/AIDS: for many women, the fear of violence prevents them from declaring their HIV-positive status and seeking help and treatment. They have been driven from their homes, left destitute, been ostracized by their families and community, and subjected to extreme physical and emotional abuse. In 1998 Gugu Dhlamini was stoned to death by men in her community in South Africa, after she declared her positive status on radio and television on World AIDS Day.


Young women are particularly vulnerable to coerced sex and are increasingly being infected with HIV/AIDS. Over half of new HIV infections world-wide are occurring among young people between the ages of 15 to 24, and over 60 per cent of HIV-positive youth between the ages of 15 to 24 are women. A study conducted in Tanzania in 2001 found that HIV-positive women were over 2 and half times more likely than HIV-negative women to have experienced violence perpetrated by their current partner.A 2002 UNIFEM-sponsored report on the impact of armed conflict on women underscores how the chaotic and brutal circumstances of armed conflict aggravate all the factors that fuel the crisis. Tragically and most cruelly, in many conflicts, the planned and purposeful HIV infection of women has been a tool of war, often pitting one ethnic group against another, such as what occurred in Rwanda

OK.....Now What??

Everybody wants battered women to 'make better choices', or to 'get out' or 'leave their abuser' and 'dont go back...'

I did that... okay, now what?

I know women who did everything right, called the police, got the protective order, left, moved, ceased contact, got a job, never went back; and 10 years later their child got kidnapped because nobody believed that her abuser would really plot, wait and pounce that many years later... okay, now what?

I'm blogging from a hotel room; weekly rates; on a computer borrowed from a friend. I'm not sure where I'll be next week; what I'll eat tomorrow, or if I have the strength to keep on... yeah, I left my abuser ...
okay, now what?

See when the abuser isn't convicted the battered woman is left without crime victim services.

When the abuser isn't at the front door or on top of the victim, the shelter isn't available - and when it is, its only available for a brief 30 day stay...

When the abuser flees the state with your child, the victim falls through the cracks of the jurisdictional boundaries and the police that pass the buck instead of enforcing out of state protective orders - - now what?

When the abuser finally goes to prison for unrelated crimes, and the victim tries to prosecute, its impossible to get law enforcement to take the case seriously because they figure he's already in jail and it'd be a waste of time, so, now what?

When the abuser isn't expected to get out of prison until your children are over the age of 18, the state no longer seeks enforcement of the child support arrears he owes, so, now what?

When the abuser can't use his fists anymore and uses the system, it can revictimize the survivors and sometimes paralyze them emotionally when the children are used as pawns; already disabled from the beatings years before, now suffering eternal grief for the emotional beatings of the court system and flawed social services system; a victim is on an uphill battle to survive; and when she becomes homeless, penniless and hopeless ... she'll ask everyone who wanted her to get out... okay...now what?

Now what????

RATE OF FAMILY VIOLENCE DROPPED BY MORE THAN ONE-HALF FROM 1993 TO 2002

RATE OF FAMILY VIOLENCE DROPPED BY MORE THAN ONE-HALF FROM 1993 TO 2002

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The rate of family violence fell by more than one-half between 1993 and 2002, from an estimated 5.4 victims to 2.1 victims per 1,000 U.S. residents 12 years old and older, reflecting the general decline in crimes against people during the same period, the Department of Justice's Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) announced today.

Family violence accounted for 11 percent of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002. Of these offenses against family members, 49 percent were a crime against a spouse, 11 percent a parent attacking a child, and 41 percent an offense against another family member.

Seventy-three percent of family violence victims were female and 76 percent of persons who committed family violence were male. Simple assault was the most frequent type of family violence.

Drugs or alcohol were involved in 39 percent of family violence victimizations. In 20 percent of family violence incidents, the offender had a weapon.

About four in 10 family violence victimizations did not come to police attention between 1998 and 2002. Thirty-four percent of victims of unreported family violence said they did not tell law enforcement officials about the matter because it was private or personal. Another 12 percent said they did not report it to protect the offender.

One-half of convicted family violence offenders in prison in 1997 were serving a sentence for committing a sex crime against a family member. Forty-five percent of convicted family violence offenders in local jails in 2002 had been subject to a restraining order at some point in their life.

About one in five persons murdered in 2002 was killed by a family member. In all homicides that year, almost 9 percent were the killing of a spouse, 6 percent the murder of a son or daughter and 7 percent the killing of another family member.

Fifty-eight percent of family murder victims were female, and 26 percent were under age 18. Among murdered children under age 13, 66 percent were killed by a family member.

Eighty-three percent of those who killed a spouse were males, as were 75 percent of those who killed a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The average age of a son or daughter killed by a parent was 7 years old, and 80 percent were younger than 13 years old.

The report, "Family Violence Statistics" (NCJ-207846), was written by BJS statisticians Matthew R. Durose, Caroline Wolf Harlow, Patrick A. Langan, Mark Motivans, Ramona R. Rantala, and Erica L. Schmitt. Following publication, the document can be accessed at: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/fvs.htm.

Additional information about BJS statistical reports and programs is available from the BJS website at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs.

The Office of Justice Programs provides federal leadership in developing the nation's capacity to prevent and control crime, administer justice and assist victims. OJP is headed by an Assistant Attorney General and comprises five component bureaus and two offices: the Bureau of Justice Assistance; the Bureau of Justice Statistics; the National Institute of Justice; the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention; and the Office for Victims of Crime, as well as the Office of the Police Corps and Law Enforcement Education and the Community Capacity Development Office, which incorporates the Weed and Seed strategy and OJP's American Indian and Alaska Native Affairs Desk. More information can be found at www.ojp.usdoj.gov.

Breaking The Silence - Moms Losing Child Custody To Their Batterers?

This is an eight minute excerpt of the program that aired on Public Television in October of 2005.



The documentary tells the stories of children who are taken away from their protective mothers.

The Violence Against Women Act

(Source: NNEDV)
For a one-page overview of VAWA 2005, please download our VAWA 2005 Fact Sheet (PDF). For a full summary of program changes, please download our VAWA 2005 Summary (PDF). You can also download the VAWA 2005 statute, (PL 109-162).

On January 5, 2006, the Violence Against Women Act of 2005 (VAWA) was signed into law by President George W.Bush. VAWA reauthorizes existing
programs to combat domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence and stalking, and creates new ones to meet emerging needs of communities working to prevent the violence.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) praised Congress and the Administration for their continued dedication to improving the lives of women and children.

"The reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act ensures that communities have the tools they need to intervene in and ultimately prevent violence in our homes," said Lynn Rosenthal, President of NNEDV. "They has taken an important step forward in saving lives".

Rosenthal credits Senators Joseph Biden (D-DE), Arlen Specter (R-PA), Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and Patrick Leahy (D-VT) and Representatives Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI-5), Mark Green (R WI-8), John Conyers (D-MI-14), Hilda Solis (D-CA-32), Ginny Brown-Waite (R FL-5), Deborah Pryce (R-OH-15), for championing the bill, saying “their efforts to pass a strong, comprehensive bill show a true commitment to ending domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking.”

VAWA 2005 takes a more holistic approach to addressing violence against women. In addition to enhancing criminal and civil justice and community-based responses to these crimes, VAWA creates notable new focus areas such as:

developing prevention strategies to stop the violence before it starts,

protecting individuals from unfair eviction due to their status as victims of domestic violence or stalking,

creating the first federal funding stream to support rape crisis centers,

developing culturally- and linguistically-specific services for communities,

enhancing programs and services for victims with disabilities, and

broadening VAWA service provisions to include children and teens.

“The housing provisions are of particular importance,” said Rosenthal. “Ninety-two percent of homeless women have experienced severe physical or sexual abuse at some point in their lives. We thank Representatives Michael Oxley (R-OH-4), Barney Frank (D-MA-4) and Bob Ney (R-OH-18) and Senators Richard Shelby (R-AL), Jack Reed (D-RI) and Paul Sarbanes (D-MD) for their leadership in ensuring housing protections and resources for victims.”

Initially passed in 1994, VAWA created the first federal legislation acknowledging domestic violence and sexual assaults as crimes, and provided federal resources to encourage community-coordinated responses to combating the violence. Its reauthorization in 2000 improved the foundation established by VAWA 1994 by creating a much-needed legal assistance program for victims and expanding the definition of crime to cover dating violence and stalking.

“The reauthorization of VAWA shows that our nation's policy makers recognize domestic violence as a devastating social problem,” said Rosenthal. “By applying a more comprehensive approach, we move one step closer to eradicating domestic violence.”

NNEDV has been a leading force in efforts to reauthorize VAWA. NNEDV and its member state domestic violence coalitions also played a crucial role in the passage of VAWA in 1994 and its reauthorization in 2000. NNEDV’s sister organization, the National Network to End Domestic Violence Fund (NNEDV Fund), has been instrumental in assisting state domestic violence coalitions and local communities in implementing current VAWA programs.


NNEDV is now working with state coalitions and national organizations to ensure VAWA is fully funded. Join us in this effort! Click here to join our VAWA Mobilization Campaign and receive VAWA mobilization action alerts.

You also can take action today by writing or calling your member of Congress or Senator and urging them to fully fund VAWA. For more information about funding for VAWA, including a sample letter you can use, click here.

Congressional offices and media, please use the email form for immediate answers to questions related to VAWA appropriations.

Faillure to Protect - The Castle Rock/Gonzales Case

(Source: NNEDV)
TOWN OF CASTLE ROCK, CO v. JESSICA GONZALES - 2005
The Supreme Court examined if Jessica Gonzales, whose three daughters were killed by her estranged husband, can raise a procedural due process claim in federal court for the Town of Castle Rocks failure to enforce her protective order.

• NNEDV's amicus brief supporting Jessica Gonzales's case (PDF)


• The Supreme Court's opinion in Town of Castle Rock, CO v. Jessica Gonzales (PDF)
• Concurring Opinion by Justice David H. Souter (PDF)


• Dissenting Opinion by Justice John Paul Stevens (PDF)
• Statement by Fernando Laguarda, NNEDV board chair and counsel of record, regarding Town of Castle Rock v. Jessica Gonzales (PDF)

Can Police Search If One Co-Habitant Consents and the Other Refuses Entry? Supreme Court Says NO!

(Source: NNEDV)
GEORGIA V. RANDOLPH - 2006
The Supreme Court examined whether it is unconstitutional for police to search a home when a co-habitant consents and the other co-habitant is present and does not consent. On March 22, 2006, the Court ruled that it is a violation of a citizen's Fourth Amendment right against unreasonable searches if police search a home when one resident invites them in but another refuses their entry.

While advocates fear that this ruling could have an adverse affect on police responses to domestic violence calls, legal experts say this ruling does not prevent police from protecting victims of domestic violence. Counsel at Mintz, Levin, Cohn, Ferris, Glovsky, and Popeo have crafted an explanation of the decision's impact on domestic violence cases.

Randolph's Impact on Domestic Violence Cases(PDF)

The Supreme Court's opinions in Georgia v. Randolph(PDF)

Should Victims Be Able to use 911 Calls in Leiu of Testimony in Court?

(Source: NNEDV)
ADRIAN MARTELL DAVIS v. WASHINGTON and HERSEL HAMMON v. INDIANA - 2006
The Supreme Court examined whether 911 calls or on-scene statements were subject to the Confrontation Clause restrictions enunciated in Crawford v. Washington, 541 U.S. 36 (2004). NNEDV submitted an amicus brief urging the court to recognize evidence-based prosecution as an effective means to hold batterers accountable for their crimes.

On June 19, 2006, the Court handed down a decision in both Davis v. Washington and Hammon v. Indiana. In Davis, the Supreme Court affirmed lower court rulings, stating that information provided during 911 calls were considered nontestimonial statements and were not subject to the restrictions of the Confrontation Clause.

In Hammon, the court reveresed lower court rulings, saying that on-scene statements made to police were considered testimonial and were subject to the restrictions of the Confrontation Clause because 1) the emergency had ended and 2) the inquiries made by the police were not to assess an emergency but were to gather evidence for future legal proceedings.

The decisions in these two cases create an objective test to aid the judicial system in determining whether statements made to law enforcement during a 911 call or on-scene questioning constitute testimony in lieu of a victim testifying in court against an abuser.

NNEDV's amicus brief supporting evidence-based prosecution of domestic violence cases (PDF)

The Supreme Court's opinion in Davis v. Washington and Hammon v. Indiana (PDF)