Protecting Yourself if You are Being Stalked

I. STALKING CHECKLIST

To help determine whether you or someone you know is a victim of stalking, see if anything on the following checklist of sample stalking behaviors matches your situation.

Does a current or former spouse or boyfriend, friend, coworker, neighbor, casual acquaintance or complete stranger . . .

Leave harassing, threatening or obscene messages on your answering machine at home or at your workplace?

Call you repeatedly at your home or workplace, even when asked to stop?

Insist on giving you unwanted gifts, cards, notes or letters?

Watch you or follow you at a distance?

Appear at or drive by your workplace, home or any other place you frequent in your daily activities?

Harass or question your family members, friends, acquaintances or co-workers as to your whereabouts?

Repeatedly send you unwanted e-mail messages?

Photograph or video you repeatedly?

Vandalize or deface your property, car, mail, etc.?

Repeatedly confront you (or your family members) with verbal or physical threats?

Act in some other manner so that your own personal safety feels compromised on a continuing basis?

Stalking can encompass a wide range of behaviors, only some of which are listed above. A stalker may employ very subtle forms of harassment that can, nonetheless, cause a great deal of fear.

II. DEALING WITH STALKING

Although no solution is foolproof, the strategies listed below can help reduce the potential danger of stalking.

Some require dealing with the legal system and the courts, while others are self-help techniques that you can do on your own. A few of the strategies will help you prepare for taking legal action. Remember, even if you do not anticipate involving the police or the courts at this time, it is best to keep your options open in case something changes. You do not want to disregard a strategy now that may help you take future action. You should also keep in mind that not all strategies will be right for you at all times. Some strategies may impose risks or costs that you do not want to take on, or you may find that different strategies are more or less helpful as your circumstances change. Only you can decide what is appropriate for you.


1. Keep Records

Maintain a stalking log. This can be a crucial part of your self-protection and can prove invaluable should you decide to take legal action. Keep a record of all of the stalker’s activities or actions, noting the dates, and if possible, the times at which they occurred. This is an essential step to take because, in most states, you cannot obtain a conviction for a crime without knowing the date on which the crime occurred. Because you may need to give the police or your attorney a copy of your recrds,do not keep the log as part of your personal diary.
For an example of a stalking log, you can visit the National Center for Victims of Crime website at www.ncvc.org.

Save all evidence documenting the stalking: letters, e-mails, notes, gifts or messages left on your answering machine. Take pictures of destroyed property. Make copies of everything you can, and keep the copies in a safe place or with someone you trust. Evidence of the stalker’s acts can help establish the “intent” requirement present in many states’ stalking statutes, facilitating a conviction.


2. Protect Yourself

Change phone numbers. Have the phone company keep your number unlisted or install caller identification on your telephone. If possible, have coworkers or the receptionist at work screen your calls. You may want to have your name and number removed from the automated phone directory at work.

Try to keep the stalker from gaining personal information about you. Particularly if the stalker does not have your address or if you have moved, consider removing your home address from all checks, business cards and letterheads. Change your mailing address to a private post office box. Place property titles in a trust so that the stalker cannot obtain your address from public records. If your state or county authorizes it, request that voter registration and driver's license information remain confidential. If your local or state agencies do release addresses to anyone who requests them, you should request in writing that your address not be released to anyone but the authorities.

Change your passwords for e-mail or other computer access often and do not tell anyone your passwords or use passwords that a stalker or anyone else could easily guess. Pick a user identification that does not use your real name. Do not reveal any personal information in public spaces on-line, such as chat rooms.


You may want to protect your confidentiality online by not selecting any of the options for your Internet service to remember the user’s name or password. You may also want to clear the search history on your browser to keep the stalker from knowing what sites you have recently viewed. You may want to consult the police or other experts in dealing with stalkers before exercising this option, because knowledge of the stalker’s behaviors may, in some cases, assist in anticipating future threats and potential danger.


In cases of cyberstalking, contact the stalker’s Internet Service Provider (ISP). Many ISPs prohibit harassment through use of their system and will sometimes respond by closing the stalker’s account. Identify the ISP through the domain name following the “@” sign, and contact the system administrator through the company’s web site. Remain aware of your surroundings. This will help you detect and prevent uncomfortable or dangerous situations.


Vary daily routines, driving and walking routes, and places where you shop. It is a good idea to change any social habits that the stalker knows. You may want to go to a new church, a different gym, and change which bars or clubs you frequent.


Try to avoid traveling alone especially in places where you will be away from the public. If you are being followed while driving, do not drive directly home. If the stalker does not know where you live, do not risk revealing it to him. If possible, when you leave work, have a security guard escort you to your car or to the nearest public transportation stop.


Consider informing friends, family and neighbors of the situation, as they could help keep you out of danger and/or serve as potential witnesses. If they do not know what the stalker looks like, show them any pictures you may have. If you do not have a picture, consider carrying a camera with you in the event that the stalker approaches you again.

Warn any friends, neighbors, family, landlords, security guards, employers, etc. that any cooperation with the stalker acts as encouragement. Request that they
not cooperate or encourage the stalker in any way; and realize that if they cooperate with or encourage a stalker, they may be held liable for any subsequent action that the stalker takes against you.

Do not give out information about friends, confidantes, or potential new partners to the stalker. Be leery of please for discussion, meetings or attempts to reconcile; this can put you within physical reach of a potentially dangerous person.

If you work in a large company, you may want to ask your supervisor for a transfer to another office area or branch. Depending on the specifics of the case, your employer may provide additional security measures to reduce your exposure to the stalker. Informing coworkers also can be useful, as they may be more aware of unusual or suspicious activity in the workplace and may later be able to confirm your account of the stalking.

You may want to provide a copy of any protection orders that you have to your employer. You may want to give copies to your supervisor, the legal department, and
security personnel. In some states your employer may also be able to get a protective order for you. (See below for more information on protective orders.)
Consider adding additional home protection, such as dead bolts, outdoor lights and, if possible, a home security system. Change your locks if the stalker has
access to your keys.

You might also consider enrolling in a self-defense class
and participating in support groups.

Involve the Police and the Courts

If it is safe for you to do so, report any and all threats to the police and notify the police of any illegal acts. If possible, contact the police as soon as an incident occurs.

Should the police seem unhelpful, unresponsive or unwilling to help you don’t panic. Simply get their names and badge numbers and report them to their supervisor and attempt to report your complaint to another officer.

You may want to obtain a protective order or restraining order. These orders can prohibit the stalker from coming within a specified distance of you, your home or your workplace.

§ Contact a local domestic violence program or go to your local courthouse and find out if you qualify for a protective order; if you do, apply for an order immediately. If you are told that you do not qualify, make absolutely sure (e.g., speak to a supervisor), because the person you see initially may not have adequate training or awareness of recent changes in the law. A list of some state domestic violence coalitions is available on the National Coalition


Against Domestic Violence website, www.ncadv.org.
§ Note that in some states, protective orders can be obtained in either criminal court or civil court.

§ Be sure not to place your home address or telephone number on the actual order, as this will probably become a public record and can easily be obtained by anyone, particularly a stalker who did not previously know your current address.

§ State laws vary. Consequently, after obtaining the order, find out what will be required of you if your stalker violates the order, and what type of proof or documentation you will need to begin prosecution, if necessary. Find out what a police officer who comes to your aid is obligated to do if the stalker violates the order. Also, find out when the order will be served on the stalker, as you may want to take special precautions for yourself and your family at that time.

When possible, file criminal charges against your stalker. Insist on your rights even if the police seem dismissive. After being encouraged to file charges by a female prosecutor, one woman encountered a police employee who only begrudgingly allowed her to file the complaint while another cracked jokes about it. She noted, however, that filing the complaint saved her life. “Last May, [the stalker] was caught by police on my block with a loaded gn. When the officers learned that I had lodged formal complaints, it made a crucial difference: They could arrest [the stalker] without his actually attacking me.”

If possible, bring a civil suit (a suit brought by you and your attorney, not by the state) against the stalker even if you decide not to press criminal charges. If you win your lawsuit, a court may order the defendant to pay you money to compensate for medical and other expenses that resulted from the stalking or for the resulting pain, suffering and physical and mental injuries. Some states have statutes pertaining specifically to stalking behavior that enable you to sue for monetary damages.

In states that lack these provisions, potential claims include “assault and battery” (someone has touched you without your consent),“intentional infliction of emotional distress” (a person acted in a shocking way and intended for you to suffer severe emotional harm or knows that acting in that manner would cause you to suffer such harm) and invasion of privacy. Talk to an attorney about these options.

III. CONCLUSION
The strategies listed above provide useful tools for dealing with stalking. Some of them are relatively easy to undertake in terms of time and money.

Unfortunately, though, some of the strategies may be costly and time-consuming. Similarly, regardless of cost, only certain strategies may be appropriate for you in your specific circumstances. Remember, though, that you are not alone. The lists provided at the end of this kit include contact information for organizations that may be able to assist you.

$500!! Help - Send Me An Angel! $500!!

Domestic and Sexual Violence

Domestic and Sexual Violence

Domestic and intimate partner violence involves physical and sexual attacks against women in the home, within the family or within an intimate relationship. Women are more at risk of experiencing violence in intimate relationships than anywhere else.In no country in the world are women safe from this type of violence. Out of ten counties surveyed in a 2005 study of the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 50 per cent of women in Bangladesh, Ethiopia, Peru and Tanzania reported having been subjected to physical or sexual violence by intimate partners, with figures reaching staggering 71 per cent in rural Ethiopia. Only in one country (Japan) did less than 20 per cent of women report incidents of domestic violence.

An earlier WHO study puts the number of women physically abused by their partners or ex-partners at 30 per cent in the UK, and 22 per cent in the US.Based on several surveys from around the world, half of the women who die from homicides are killed by their current or former husbands or partners. Women are killed by people they know and die from guns violence, beatings and burns among numerous other forms of abuse. A study conducted in Sao Paulo, Brazil reported that 13 per cent of deaths of women of reproductive age were homicides, of which 60 per cent were committed by the victims’ partners.In the USA, 700,000 women are raped or sexually assaulted each year, with 14.8 per cent of women reporting having been raped before the age of 17. In a randomly selected study of nearly 1,200 ninth-grade students in Geneva, Switzerland, 20 per cent of girls revealed they had experienced at least one incident of physical sexual abuse. This form of sexual violence also extends beyond the domestic domain.

Although many countries now have legislation that addresses domestic violence, high levels of violence still persist. There is clearly a need for greater focus on implementation and enforcement of legislation, and an end to laws that emphasize family reunification over the rights of women and girls.In many societies, the legal system and community attitudes add to the trauma rape survivors experience. Women are often held responsible for the violence against them, and in many places laws contain loopholes which allow the perpetrators to act with impunity. In a number of countries, a rapist can go free under the Penal Code if he proposes to marry the victim and she consents. In Pakistan and many other Islamic countries, ordinances require women reporting rape to provide a set number of credible male witnesses to verify the crime. Victims unable to provide these witnesses are often charged instead with adultery.

HIV/AIDS and Domestic Violence

Women’s inability to negotiate safe sex and refuse unwanted sex is closely linked to the high prevalence HIV/AIDS. Unwanted sex — from being unable to say “no!” to a partner and be heard, to sexual assault such as rape — results in a higher risk of abrasion and bleeding, providing a ready avenue for transmission of the virus. Both realities obliterate women’s ability to protect themselves from infection.Violence is a cause as well as a consequence of HIV/AIDS: for many women, the fear of violence prevents them from declaring their HIV-positive status and seeking help and treatment. They have been driven from their homes, left destitute, been ostracized by their families and community, and subjected to extreme physical and emotional abuse. In 1998 Gugu Dhlamini was stoned to death by men in her community in South Africa, after she declared her positive status on radio and television on World AIDS Day.


Young women are particularly vulnerable to coerced sex and are increasingly being infected with HIV/AIDS. Over half of new HIV infections world-wide are occurring among young people between the ages of 15 to 24, and over 60 per cent of HIV-positive youth between the ages of 15 to 24 are women. A study conducted in Tanzania in 2001 found that HIV-positive women were over 2 and half times more likely than HIV-negative women to have experienced violence perpetrated by their current partner.A 2002 UNIFEM-sponsored report on the impact of armed conflict on women underscores how the chaotic and brutal circumstances of armed conflict aggravate all the factors that fuel the crisis. Tragically and most cruelly, in many conflicts, the planned and purposeful HIV infection of women has been a tool of war, often pitting one ethnic group against another, such as what occurred in Rwanda

Cultural Violence in Traditions of Other Societes

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)

FGM refers to several types of traditional cutting operations performed on women and girls. Often part of fertility or coming-of-age rituals, FGM is sometimes justified as a way to ensure chastity and genital “purity.” FGM occurs primarily in over 25 African countries, among some minorities in Asia and immigrant communities in Europe, Australia, Canada and the US. An estimated 130 million women today have undergone FGM, and an additional 2 million girls and women are being subjected to it each year. Since the late 1980s, opposition to FGM and efforts to combat the practice has increased.

Some countries have passed legislation to regulate or ban FGM.— UNIFEM supported a project in Kenya, which involved local communities developing alternative coming-of-age rituals, such as “circumcision with words” — celebrating a young girl’s entry into womanhood with words instead of genital cutting. A joint initiative by UNICEF, WHO, and UNFPA seeks to drastically decrease the incidence of FGM, including assisting governments to develop and implement national polices to abolish the practice. (click to read more at Share Legal Awareness - our associated blog)

OK.....Now What??

Everybody wants battered women to 'make better choices', or to 'get out' or 'leave their abuser' and 'dont go back...'

I did that... okay, now what?

I know women who did everything right, called the police, got the protective order, left, moved, ceased contact, got a job, never went back; and 10 years later their child got kidnapped because nobody believed that her abuser would really plot, wait and pounce that many years later... okay, now what?

I'm blogging from a hotel room; weekly rates; on a computer borrowed from a friend. I'm not sure where I'll be next week; what I'll eat tomorrow, or if I have the strength to keep on... yeah, I left my abuser ...
okay, now what?

See when the abuser isn't convicted the battered woman is left without crime victim services.

When the abuser isn't at the front door or on top of the victim, the shelter isn't available - and when it is, its only available for a brief 30 day stay...

When the abuser flees the state with your child, the victim falls through the cracks of the jurisdictional boundaries and the police that pass the buck instead of enforcing out of state protective orders - - now what?

When the abuser finally goes to prison for unrelated crimes, and the victim tries to prosecute, its impossible to get law enforcement to take the case seriously because they figure he's already in jail and it'd be a waste of time, so, now what?

When the abuser isn't expected to get out of prison until your children are over the age of 18, the state no longer seeks enforcement of the child support arrears he owes, so, now what?

When the abuser can't use his fists anymore and uses the system, it can revictimize the survivors and sometimes paralyze them emotionally when the children are used as pawns; already disabled from the beatings years before, now suffering eternal grief for the emotional beatings of the court system and flawed social services system; a victim is on an uphill battle to survive; and when she becomes homeless, penniless and hopeless ... she'll ask everyone who wanted her to get out... okay...now what?

Now what????

RATE OF FAMILY VIOLENCE DROPPED BY MORE THAN ONE-HALF FROM 1993 TO 2002

RATE OF FAMILY VIOLENCE DROPPED BY MORE THAN ONE-HALF FROM 1993 TO 2002

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The rate of family violence fell by more than one-half between 1993 and 2002, from an estimated 5.4 victims to 2.1 victims per 1,000 U.S. residents 12 years old and older, reflecting the general decline in crimes against people during the same period, the Department of Justice's Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) announced today.

Family violence accounted for 11 percent of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002. Of these offenses against family members, 49 percent were a crime against a spouse, 11 percent a parent attacking a child, and 41 percent an offense against another family member.

Seventy-three percent of family violence victims were female and 76 percent of persons who committed family violence were male. Simple assault was the most frequent type of family violence.

Drugs or alcohol were involved in 39 percent of family violence victimizations. In 20 percent of family violence incidents, the offender had a weapon.

About four in 10 family violence victimizations did not come to police attention between 1998 and 2002. Thirty-four percent of victims of unreported family violence said they did not tell law enforcement officials about the matter because it was private or personal. Another 12 percent said they did not report it to protect the offender.

One-half of convicted family violence offenders in prison in 1997 were serving a sentence for committing a sex crime against a family member. Forty-five percent of convicted family violence offenders in local jails in 2002 had been subject to a restraining order at some point in their life.

About one in five persons murdered in 2002 was killed by a family member. In all homicides that year, almost 9 percent were the killing of a spouse, 6 percent the murder of a son or daughter and 7 percent the killing of another family member.

Fifty-eight percent of family murder victims were female, and 26 percent were under age 18. Among murdered children under age 13, 66 percent were killed by a family member.

Eighty-three percent of those who killed a spouse were males, as were 75 percent of those who killed a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The average age of a son or daughter killed by a parent was 7 years old, and 80 percent were younger than 13 years old.

The report, "Family Violence Statistics" (NCJ-207846), was written by BJS statisticians Matthew R. Durose, Caroline Wolf Harlow, Patrick A. Langan, Mark Motivans, Ramona R. Rantala, and Erica L. Schmitt. Following publication, the document can be accessed at: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/fvs.htm.

Additional information about BJS statistical reports and programs is available from the BJS website at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs.

The Office of Justice Programs provides federal leadership in developing the nation's capacity to prevent and control crime, administer justice and assist victims. OJP is headed by an Assistant Attorney General and comprises five component bureaus and two offices: the Bureau of Justice Assistance; the Bureau of Justice Statistics; the National Institute of Justice; the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention; and the Office for Victims of Crime, as well as the Office of the Police Corps and Law Enforcement Education and the Community Capacity Development Office, which incorporates the Weed and Seed strategy and OJP's American Indian and Alaska Native Affairs Desk. More information can be found at www.ojp.usdoj.gov.

Breaking The Silence - Moms Losing Child Custody To Their Batterers?

This is an eight minute excerpt of the program that aired on Public Television in October of 2005.



The documentary tells the stories of children who are taken away from their protective mothers.

The Domestic Violence Wheel

Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN

The Violence Against Women Act

(Source: NNEDV)
For a one-page overview of VAWA 2005, please download our VAWA 2005 Fact Sheet (PDF). For a full summary of program changes, please download our VAWA 2005 Summary (PDF). You can also download the VAWA 2005 statute, (PL 109-162).

On January 5, 2006, the Violence Against Women Act of 2005 (VAWA) was signed into law by President George W.Bush. VAWA reauthorizes existing
programs to combat domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence and stalking, and creates new ones to meet emerging needs of communities working to prevent the violence.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) praised Congress and the Administration for their continued dedication to improving the lives of women and children.

"The reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act ensures that communities have the tools they need to intervene in and ultimately prevent violence in our homes," said Lynn Rosenthal, President of NNEDV. "They has taken an important step forward in saving lives".

Rosenthal credits Senators Joseph Biden (D-DE), Arlen Specter (R-PA), Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and Patrick Leahy (D-VT) and Representatives Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI-5), Mark Green (R WI-8), John Conyers (D-MI-14), Hilda Solis (D-CA-32), Ginny Brown-Waite (R FL-5), Deborah Pryce (R-OH-15), for championing the bill, saying “their efforts to pass a strong, comprehensive bill show a true commitment to ending domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking.”

VAWA 2005 takes a more holistic approach to addressing violence against women. In addition to enhancing criminal and civil justice and community-based responses to these crimes, VAWA creates notable new focus areas such as:

developing prevention strategies to stop the violence before it starts,

protecting individuals from unfair eviction due to their status as victims of domestic violence or stalking,

creating the first federal funding stream to support rape crisis centers,

developing culturally- and linguistically-specific services for communities,

enhancing programs and services for victims with disabilities, and

broadening VAWA service provisions to include children and teens.

“The housing provisions are of particular importance,” said Rosenthal. “Ninety-two percent of homeless women have experienced severe physical or sexual abuse at some point in their lives. We thank Representatives Michael Oxley (R-OH-4), Barney Frank (D-MA-4) and Bob Ney (R-OH-18) and Senators Richard Shelby (R-AL), Jack Reed (D-RI) and Paul Sarbanes (D-MD) for their leadership in ensuring housing protections and resources for victims.”

Initially passed in 1994, VAWA created the first federal legislation acknowledging domestic violence and sexual assaults as crimes, and provided federal resources to encourage community-coordinated responses to combating the violence. Its reauthorization in 2000 improved the foundation established by VAWA 1994 by creating a much-needed legal assistance program for victims and expanding the definition of crime to cover dating violence and stalking.

“The reauthorization of VAWA shows that our nation's policy makers recognize domestic violence as a devastating social problem,” said Rosenthal. “By applying a more comprehensive approach, we move one step closer to eradicating domestic violence.”

NNEDV has been a leading force in efforts to reauthorize VAWA. NNEDV and its member state domestic violence coalitions also played a crucial role in the passage of VAWA in 1994 and its reauthorization in 2000. NNEDV’s sister organization, the National Network to End Domestic Violence Fund (NNEDV Fund), has been instrumental in assisting state domestic violence coalitions and local communities in implementing current VAWA programs.


NNEDV is now working with state coalitions and national organizations to ensure VAWA is fully funded. Join us in this effort! Click here to join our VAWA Mobilization Campaign and receive VAWA mobilization action alerts.

You also can take action today by writing or calling your member of Congress or Senator and urging them to fully fund VAWA. For more information about funding for VAWA, including a sample letter you can use, click here.

Congressional offices and media, please use the email form for immediate answers to questions related to VAWA appropriations.

Faillure to Protect - The Castle Rock/Gonzales Case

(Source: NNEDV)
TOWN OF CASTLE ROCK, CO v. JESSICA GONZALES - 2005
The Supreme Court examined if Jessica Gonzales, whose three daughters were killed by her estranged husband, can raise a procedural due process claim in federal court for the Town of Castle Rocks failure to enforce her protective order.

• NNEDV's amicus brief supporting Jessica Gonzales's case (PDF)


• The Supreme Court's opinion in Town of Castle Rock, CO v. Jessica Gonzales (PDF)
• Concurring Opinion by Justice David H. Souter (PDF)


• Dissenting Opinion by Justice John Paul Stevens (PDF)
• Statement by Fernando Laguarda, NNEDV board chair and counsel of record, regarding Town of Castle Rock v. Jessica Gonzales (PDF)

Can Police Search If One Co-Habitant Consents and the Other Refuses Entry? Supreme Court Says NO!

(Source: NNEDV)
GEORGIA V. RANDOLPH - 2006
The Supreme Court examined whether it is unconstitutional for police to search a home when a co-habitant consents and the other co-habitant is present and does not consent. On March 22, 2006, the Court ruled that it is a violation of a citizen's Fourth Amendment right against unreasonable searches if police search a home when one resident invites them in but another refuses their entry.

While advocates fear that this ruling could have an adverse affect on police responses to domestic violence calls, legal experts say this ruling does not prevent police from protecting victims of domestic violence. Counsel at Mintz, Levin, Cohn, Ferris, Glovsky, and Popeo have crafted an explanation of the decision's impact on domestic violence cases.

Randolph's Impact on Domestic Violence Cases(PDF)

The Supreme Court's opinions in Georgia v. Randolph(PDF)

Should Victims Be Able to use 911 Calls in Leiu of Testimony in Court?

(Source: NNEDV)
ADRIAN MARTELL DAVIS v. WASHINGTON and HERSEL HAMMON v. INDIANA - 2006
The Supreme Court examined whether 911 calls or on-scene statements were subject to the Confrontation Clause restrictions enunciated in Crawford v. Washington, 541 U.S. 36 (2004). NNEDV submitted an amicus brief urging the court to recognize evidence-based prosecution as an effective means to hold batterers accountable for their crimes.

On June 19, 2006, the Court handed down a decision in both Davis v. Washington and Hammon v. Indiana. In Davis, the Supreme Court affirmed lower court rulings, stating that information provided during 911 calls were considered nontestimonial statements and were not subject to the restrictions of the Confrontation Clause.

In Hammon, the court reveresed lower court rulings, saying that on-scene statements made to police were considered testimonial and were subject to the restrictions of the Confrontation Clause because 1) the emergency had ended and 2) the inquiries made by the police were not to assess an emergency but were to gather evidence for future legal proceedings.

The decisions in these two cases create an objective test to aid the judicial system in determining whether statements made to law enforcement during a 911 call or on-scene questioning constitute testimony in lieu of a victim testifying in court against an abuser.

NNEDV's amicus brief supporting evidence-based prosecution of domestic violence cases (PDF)

The Supreme Court's opinion in Davis v. Washington and Hammon v. Indiana (PDF)

Information and services pertaining to domestic violence.

(Source: NNEDV)

National Domestic Violence Hotline / Linea Nacional sobre la Violencia Doméstica
Toll Free Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY: 1-800-787-3224
For advocacy, counseling and referral, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You will reach a trained advocate who can talk with you about your situation, your safety, and the options available to you. Friends and family members are also welcome to call for information. All conversations with hotline advocates are strictly confidential. Support available in English or Spanish with interpreters available for over 139 languages. Website: www.ndvh.org

Domestic Violence Resource Network:

• National Resource Center on Domestic Violence provides comprehensive information and resources, policy development and assistance to enhance community response to and prevention of domestic violence. NRCDV enhances the capacity of organizations and individuals working to end violence in the lives of women and their children and proactively supports the work of national, state, and local domestic violence programs. Toll Free Phone: (800) 537-2238 TTY: (800) 533-2508 Fax: (717) 545-9456 Website: www.nrcdv.org



• Battered Women's Justice Project provides training, technical assistance, and other resources through a partnership of three organizations. Toll Free Phone: 800-903-0111. Website: www.bwjp.org
  
  • Domestic Abuse Intervention Project - Criminal Justice. Addresses the criminal justice system's response to domestic violence including batterers' programs. Ext. 1
  
  
  • The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence - Civil Justice. Addresses civil court access and legal representation issues. Ext.2
  
  
  • National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women - Defense. Addresses battered women charged with crimes and members of their defense teams. Ext. 3
  
  
• Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence at the Family Violence Prevention Fund provides technical assistance, training, public policy form, and materials to those interested in developing a comprehensive health care response to domestic violence in all health care settings. Toll Free Phone: (888) Rx-ABUSE (792-2873) Fax: (415) 252-8991 Website: www.endabuse.org/health



• Resource Center on Domestic Violence: Child Protection & Custody provides access to the best possible source of information and tangible assistance to those working in the field of domestic violence and child protection and custody. In addition, the CPC identifies and develops model policies, protocols, and programs that are sensitive to the legal, cultural, and psychological dynamics of child protection and custody cases involving family violence. Toll Free Phone: (800) 527-3223 Fax: (775) 784-6160 Website: www.ncjfcj.org



• Sacred Circle: National Resource Center to End Violence Against Native Women provides technical assistance, policy development, training institutes, and resource information on ending domestic violence and sexual assault in American Indian / Alaska Native tribal communities. Operated by Cangleska, Inc., Sacred Circle aids tribes, tribal organizations and nations to stop violence against Native women. Toll Free Phone: (877) 733-7623 Fax: (605) 341-2472

Other Domestic Violence Organizations & Projects:

• Alianza (National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic Violence / Alianza Latina Nacional para Erradicar la Violencia Doméstic) is "a group of nationally recognized Latina and Latino advocates, community activists, practitioners, researchers, and survivors of domestic violence working together to promote an understanding, sustain dialogue, and generate solutions to move toward the elimination of domestic violence affecting Latino communities, with an understanding of the sacredness of all relations and communities." Website: www.dvalianza.org



• Asian & Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence works "to eliminate domestic violence in Asian and Pacific Islander communities by increasing awareness about the extent and depth of the problem; making culturally specific issues visible; strengthening community models of prevention and itnervention; identifying and expanding resources; informing and promoting research and policy; and deepening...understanding and analyses of the issues surrounding violence against women." Phone: 415-954-9988 ext. 315. Fax: 415-954-9999. Website: www.apiahf.org/apidvinstitute/default.htm



• Family Violence Prevention Fund works to prevent violence within the home, and in the community, to help those whose lives are devastated by abuse by educating the public and improving institutions' response to domestic violence. Website: www.endabuse.org



• National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence provides training, consulting and advocacy at local, state, regional and national levels. NCDSV promotes a community collaboration model and collaborates with law enforcement, legal system agencies, advocacy organizations, social service agencies, the military and other community entities in their efforts to end domestic and sexual violence. Website: www.ncdsv.org



• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence serves as a national information and referral center for the general public, media, battered women and their children, allied and member agencies and organizations. Website: www.ncadv.org



• VAWnet: the National Electronic Network on Violence Against Women, is a project of NRCDV. VAWnet provides a comprehensive online collection of advocacy-based electronic resources on domestic violence, sexual violence, and related intersecting issues. Resources include applied research papers, policy and practice papers, federal and state funding information, prevention and public education materials, community advocacy materials and information about other national, state, regional and local organizations and programs. Website: www.vawnet.org



• Violence Against Women Online Resources (VAWOR) provides law, criminal justice, advocacy, and social service professionals with up-to-date information on interventions to stop violence against women through the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse. Website: www.vaw.umn.edu

Other Allied Organizations:

• National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) is a project of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape. NSVRC provides resources (information, technical assistance, and materials) to national organizations, state sexual assault coalitions, community-based programs, allied organizations, and the public. NSVRC works to strengthen support systems serving sexual assault survivors, and to support the development of policy and practice that produce effective interventions for and prevention of sexual violence. Phone: (877)739-3895. Website: www.nsvrc.org
  
  
• Stalking Resource Center (SRC) is a program of the National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC). SRC raises national awareness of stalking and encourages the development and implementation of multidisciplinary responses to stalking in local communities. SRC provides trainings, an information clearinghouse, a practitioners' network and a peer-to-peer exchange program. Toll Free Phone: 800-FYI-CALL (800-394-2255) TTY: 800-211-7996 Fax: 202-467-8701 Website: www.ncvc.org/src

State Coalition Table (Source: NNEDV)

COALITION/HOTLINE ADDRESS	FAX NUMBER OFFICE PHONE WEBSITE
Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-650-6522 Post Office Box 4762 Montgomery AL 36101	334-832-4803 Fax 334-832-4842 www.acadv.org
Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault 130 Seward Street Suite 209 Juneau AK 99801	907-463-4493 Fax 907-586-3650 www.andvsa.org
Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence 301 E. Bethany Home Rd Suite C194 Phoenix AZ 85012	602-279-2980 Fax 602-279-2900 www.azcadv.org
Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-269-4668 Victory Building 1401 W. Capitol Avenue Suite 170 North Little Rock AR 72201	501-907-5618 Fax 501-907-5612 www.domesticpeace.com
California Partnership to End Domestic Violence 800-524-4765 PO Box 1798 Sacramento CA 95814	916-444-7165 Fax 916-444-7163 www.cpedv.org
Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence Post Office Box 18902 Denver CO 80218	303-832-7067 Fax 303-831-9632 www.ccadv.org
Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-888-774-2900 90 Pitkin Street E. Hartford CT 06108	860-282-7892 Fax 860-282-7899 www.ctcadv.org
Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence 100 W. 10th Street Suite 703 Wilmington DE 19801	302-658-5049 Fax 302-658-2958 www.dcadv.org
District of Columbia Coalition Against Domestic Violence 5 Thomas Circle, NW Washington DC 20005	202-299-1193 Fax 202-299-1181 www.dccadv.org
Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-500-1119 425 Office Plaza Drive Tallahassee FL 32301	850-425-3091 Fax 850-425-2749 www.fcadv.org
Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-33-HAVEN 114 New St. Suite B Decatur GA 30030	404-766-3800 Fax 404-209-0280 www.gcadv.org
Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence 716 Umi Street Suite 210 Honolulu HI 96819-2337	808-841-6028 Fax 808-832-9316 www.hscadv.org
Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence 800-699-3176 300 E. Mallard Dr Suite 130 Boise ID 83706	208-331-0687 Fax 208-384-0419 www.idvsa.org
Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence 801 S. 11th Street Springfield IL 62703	217-789-1939 Fax 217-789-2830 www.ilcadv.org
Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-332-7385 1915 W. 18th Street Suite B Indianapolis IN 46202	317-917-3695 Fax 317-917-3685 www.violenceresource.org
Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-942-0333 515 28th St.Suite 104 Des Moines IA 50321	515-244-7417 Fax 515-244-8028 www.icadv.org
Kansas Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence 1-888-END-ABUSE 634 SW Harrison St. Suite 100 Topeka KS 66603	785-266-1874 Fax 785-232-9784 www.kcsdv.org
Kentucky Domestic Violence Association Post Office Box 356 Frankfort KY 40601	502-226-5382 Fax 502-209-5382 www.kdva.org
Louisiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence Post Office Box 7730 Baton Rouge LA 70879	225-751-8927 Fax 225-752-1296 www.lcadv.org
Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence 170 Park Street Bangor ME 04401	207-941-2327 Fax 207-941-1194 www.mcedv.org
Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence 1-800-MD-HELPS 6911 Laurel Bowie RdSuite 309 Bowie MD 20715	301-809-0422 Fax 301-352-4574 www.mnadv.org
Jane Doe, Inc. - MCASADV 1-877-785-2020 14 Beacon Street #507 Boston MA 02108	617-248-0902 Fax 617-248-0922 www.janedoe.org
Michigan Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence 3893 Okemos Rd #B2 Okemos MI 48864	517-347-1377 Fax 517-347-7000 www.mcadsv.org
Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women 800.289.6177 590 Park St Suite 410 St. Paul MN 55103	651-646-1527 Fax 651-646-6177 www.mcbw.org
Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence 800.898.3234 Post Office Box 4703 Jackson MS 39296	601-981-2501 Fax 601-981-9196 www.mcadv.org
Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence 718 East Capitol Avenue Jefferson City MO 65101	573-636-3728 Fax 573-634-4161 www.mocadv.org
Montana Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence Post Office Box 818 Helena MT 59624	406-443-7818 Fax 406-443-7794 www.mcadsv.com
Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition 800.876.6238 (English) 877.275.0167 (Spanish)825 M St Suite 404 Lincoln NE 68508	402-476-6806 Fax 402-476-6256 www.ndvsac.org
Nevada Network Against Domestic Violence 1-800-500 -1556 100 W. Grove St Suite 315 Reno NV 89509	775-828-9911 Fax 775-828-1115 www.nnadv.org
New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence 866.644.3574 (Domestic Violence) 800.277.5570 (Sexual Violence Hotline) Post Office Box 353 Concord NH 03302-0353	603-228-6096 Fax 603-224-8893 www.newbeginningsnh.org
New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women 1-800-572-SAFE 1670 Whitehorse-Hamilton Sq. Rd. Trenton NJ 08690-3541	609-584-9750 Fax 609-584-8107 www.njcbw.org
New Mexico Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-773-3645 201 Coal Ave, SW Albuquerque NM 87102	505-246-9434 Fax 505-246-9240 www.nmcadv.org
New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-942-6906 (English) 1-800-942-6908 (Spanish) 350 New Scotland Ave Albany NY 12208	518-482-3807 Fax 518-482-5465 www.nyscadv.org
North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence 888-232-9124 115 Market St Suite 400 Durham NC 27701	919-682-1449 Fax 919-956-9124 www.nccadv.org
North Dakota Council on Abused Women's Services 888-255-6240 418 E. Rosser Ave Suite 320 Bismark ND 58501	701-255-1904 Fax 701-255-6240 www.ndcaws.org
Ohio Domestic Violence Network 1-800-934-9840 4807 Evanswood Dr Suite 201 Columbus OH 43229	614-781-9652 Fax 614-781-9651 www.odvn.org
Oklahoma Coalition Against D V & Sexual Assault 800-522-7233 3815 N. Santa Fe Ave Suite 124 Oklahoma City OK 73118	405-524-0711 Fax 405-524-0700 www.ocadvsa.org
Oregon Coalition Against Domestic Violence & SA 1-888-235-5333 380 SE Capitol Spokane St. Suite 100 Portland OR 97202	503-230-1973 Fax 503-230-1951 www.ocadsv.com
Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence 800.932.4632; 800.553.2508 (TTY) 6400 Flank Drive #1300 Harrisburg PA 17112	717-671-8149 Fax 717-545-6400 www.pcadv.org
Coordinadora Paz para la Mujer PO Box 193008 San Juan PR 0019-3008	787-767-6843 Fax 787-281-7579 www.pazparalamujer.org
Texas Council on Family Violence 1-800-799-SAFE; 800-787-3224 (TTY) Post Office Box 161810 Austin TX 78716	512-794-1199 Fax 512-794-1133 www.tcfv.org
Utah Domestic Violence Council 800-897-5465 205 N. 400 West Salt Lake City UT 84103	801-521-5548 Fax 801-521-5544 www.udvc.org
Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Post Office Box 405 Montpelier VT 05601	802-223-6943 Fax 802-223-1302 www.vtnetwork.org
Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance 1-800-838-8238 1010 N. Thompson St. #202 Richmond VA 23230	804-377-0339 Fax 804-377-0335 www.vsdvalliance.org
Women's Coalition of St. Croix 800-562-6025 PO Box 2734 Christiansted St. Croix VI 00822	340-773-9062 Fax 340-773-9272 www.wcstx.com
Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-800-562-6025 1402 3rd Ave Suite 406 Seattle WA 98101	206-389-2520 Fax 206-389-2515 www.wscadv.org
West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence Elk Office Center 4710 Chimney Dr Suite A Charleston WV 25302	304-965-3572 Fax 304-965-3552 www.wvcadv.org
Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence 307 S. Paterson St Suite 1 Madison WI 53703	608-255-3560 Fax 608-255-0539 www.wcadv.org
Wyoming Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault 1-800-990-3877 Post Office Box 236 Laramie WY 82073	307-755-5482 Fax 307-755-5481 www.users.qwest.net/~wyomingcoalition

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNTS

NATIONAL NETWORK TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DV Counts: NCDVS 2006 Census Report

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNTS A 24-hour census of domestic violence shelters and services across the United States By the National Network to End Domestic Violence Published March 13, 2007.

In November 2006, 1,243 out of 2,016 identified local domestic violence programs across the United States participated in the first National Census of Domestic Violence Services (NCDVS). Designed to address the safety and confidentiality needs of victims, this Census collected an unduplicated, non-invasive count of adults and children who received critical services from local domestic violence programs during the 24-hour survey period. Since approximately 62% of local domestic violence programs in the U.S. participated, this Census provides a powerful glimpse but remains an undercount of the actual number of victims who sought and received services from local domestic violence programs nationwide in a 24-hour period.

The 2006 NCDVS results are highlighted in a new report, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNTS, released March 13, 2007 by the National Network to End Domestic Violence.

To view these files, you need the free Adobe Acrobat Reader

2006 Report

2006 Report (doublesided folded booklet layout, have printer "flip on short side")

Link to Snapshots by State/Territory

2006 Report & Five Appendices

2006 Five Appendices

Appendix 1: Executive Summary

Appendix 1 Executive Summary In Spanish: En Español Resumen Ejecutivo. El Censo Nacional de Servicios de Violencia Doméstica.

Appendix 2: Unmet Demand for Services

Appendix 3: Staff and Volunteer Counts

Appendix 4. Communities And Individuals Served

Appendix 5. Explanation of Methods

2006 Supplements: Snapshots By State/Territory, Talking Points for Local Organizations, Press Release, Survey Instrument Packet

The next NCDVS: Local domestic violence programs can now fill out this webform to receive updates about the 2007 Census rollout for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNTS.

2006 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNTS - State Data

Domestic Violence Counts 2006:
Snapshot By State/Territory:
Individual
[1 page PDF files]

Arkansas	Indiana	Missouri	Oklahoma	Virginia
California	Iowa	Montana	Oregon	Virgin Islands
Colorado	Kansas	Nebraska	Pennsylvania	Washington
Connecticut	Kentucky	Nevada	Puerto Rico	West Virginia
Delaware	Louisiana	New Hampshire	Rhode Island	Wisconsin
District of Columbia	Maine	New Jersey	South Carolina	Wyoming
Florida	Maryland	New Mexico	South Dakota
Georgia	Massachusetts	New York	Tennessee

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

In the United States - every 12 to 15 seconds a woman is beaten! This is according to studies by the F.B.I. whose statistics show an average of FOUR (4) women are beaten every minute of each day!

The Department of Justice has concluded that a woman is five times more likely to be attacked by her own partner than by a stranger.

Am I to believe then that I am not much safer in my own home with my doors locked than out on the streets? Sadly, in the case of my former marriage, the answer was yes. As stated here for most women, the abusers who victimized me in my life were, for the most part, people I knew or knew of... moreover ... my own husband and my own mother were my abusers.

I survived one incident as a teenager committed by strangers when I was the victim of a gang rape at age 15. Even with that, my most traumatic abuse was at the hands of a man I married, an intimate partner; someone I loved, someone I trusted.

In fact, each year 4 to 6 million women of all races and classes are battered by their spouse or intimate partner in the United States (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence). This fact not only astounded me during my research, but has proven itself to be true since I've stepped into my advocacy work, attempting to heal from my own abuse. Society creates a false sense of security on safety issues where Domestic Violence is concerned, causing it to oftentimes become a hidden tragedy, clouted with shame and secrecy. The shame lies on the shoulders of the abuser, not the victim. You should not be ashamed to reach out for help... it could save your life.

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

On the outside, a woman may seem to have it all - a nice house, well-behaved children, fancy car, friends, family... But in an abusive relationship, these same women still exist in a world of hiding dark secrets of what goes on behind closed doors.

Who is "two doors down"? That thought had new meaning to me one night as I walked my dog through my neighborhood. This particular night, my dog growled as she stopped in her tracks. Caddy-corner to where we stood, a door slammed on the side of a house across and just down the street. I saw the shadow of a man bent over his wife, yelling at her. He appeared to have just thrown his wife through the screen door and she had fallen onto the patio floor. I froze for a moment as my dog stood with her hair raised at attention and I watched the familiar horror of these two strangers and feared his uncontrolled anger.

It wasn't but a moment that the man's head turned and took notice to my dog and I.
Quickly, we embarked upon our route again, swiftly jogging down the sidewalk as if I'd seen nothing. I tried to block out the woman's sobs as they faded my ears with each step. I stopped to gather my thoughts for a moment when I noticed that I was just two doors down from their house. Two doors down.

In researching facts about Domestic Violence, I learned that 95 to 98 % of victims who have been battered are women, however, that didn't shock me so much as the fact that 31% of all female murder victims were killed - not by strangers or serial killers - but by their spouse or partner! (U.S. Department of Justice)

Nearly 1/3 of female murder victims are killed by a person by someone they trusted and loved! In the State of Florida, a person is killed every 42 hours due to domestic violence (Governor's Task on Domestic Violence); and each year in Boston, Massachusetts, more than one million women seek medical treatment for injuries sustained by violent partners. Women who are victims of Domestic Violence are often severely injured and 22% to 35% of the women who visit emergency rooms each year in the Boston area are there because of ongoing partner abuse.

So then I wonder if its even worth the bother to lock my door at home, when we seem to be sleeping with the enemy.

I am a survivor of domestic violence and spousal abuse. That night I was in that confusing position of whether or not to call the police or get involved. I decided to stop and talk to my next door neighbor about it. She was not surprised as I told her what I had seen. her response was simply put...

"It won't do any good to call it in.... he's a cop..."

It sounded awful! I didn't know that the man was a police officer. He had been abusing his wife in that house for years; all the neighbors - - and cops - - knew already.

I was disgusted and appalled! A police officer? I repeated again and again in my mind... 'how horribly stuck that woman must feel', I kept thinking! Truth of the matter is ... batterers that were counseled for abusing their wives were often professional men, well respected in their jobs and communities.

THE COSTS OF ABUSE

According to the Massachusetts Coalition of Battered Women Service Groups, one-third of the batterers included doctors, lawyers, psychologists, ministers and business executives! This epidemic is as widespread as the common cold; but continues to stand by the creed of "I see nothing" "I hear nothing" "I say nothing".

Each year, businesses waste as much as $100 million paying for lost wages, sick leave, absenteeism and non-productivity, and that's not even including any medical expenses from domestic violence. Expenses for medical treatment are a whopping $3 to $5 billion dollars in states like Colorado!!

THOSE CHILDREN DOWN THE HALL

So now, I ask, what about the children?



We cannot discuss domestic violence without consideration to the babies born in these messes. Children in the U.S. are being abused in 50% to 60% of the homes where there is spousal abuse. A child who witnesses domestic violence is suffering the abuse as well! Children are 1500 times more likely to be abused than children in homes without any violence. (Child Witness to Violence Project) More forgotten are the children who fall prey to the abusers' tactics of abuse, becoming the pawn in a substitute tool for abuse when fists won't reach anymore - and the system becomes the weapon, the children become the pain induced by the abuser - oftentimes parental alienation, kidnapping, false allegations, and frivolous custody battles ensue, and statistics show, the abusers usually win custody of the children about 75% of the time.

THE CYCLE

Approximately 3.3 million children will witness domestic violence in the United States this year. And thus begins the cycle; as 73% of abusers were also abused as children; and 60% of boys who witness violence in the home will grow up to abuse their adult mate.

Abused children become future abusers! 60% of boys who witness violence in their home will grow up to be abusers as well. Wow, 60% - so many little boys who never knew anything else.

What about my little boy? I vowed to break the cycle with my little boy.

THE QUESTION

Consider the casual discussions at a social gathering, and how most people are aware, often discussing how the rate of divorce has climbed tremendously, which is a well-known fact among nearly all Americans.

In fact, the percentages of failed marriages are so closely comparable to the numbers in Domestic Violence numbers, that it is imperative something be done to crack down on the family abuse problem. Has society fallen from the values and no longer promote the sanctity of loving families? Are we able to accept, as a nation, that a woman is being beaten every 15 seconds?! Why don't people take domestic violence seriously? Why is blame placed on the victim? Why are the battered victims made to be ashamed and afraid to reach out

?

Why isn't there enough support to end this deadly trend?

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Task Force on Child Abuse and Neglect are a good place to turn for more information, but we all need to take a proactive step in support and advocacy if something is truly expected to change. We simply can't expect these women to leave their abusers - at which time they are THEN at a 75% greater risk of being killed than if they'd chosen to stay? The most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is after they leave their abuser... yet, once they do leave, there's really very little help... very few options available to them. The reality of it is that, if they are lucky to find a place, they may get a 30 day placement in a shelter, and some group support/counseling offered them at that time; after that, they're on their own. 30 days to flee someone who could possibly be a risk to your very life, leaving everything behind, to hide, recover, and then figure out where to go next, how to support yourself, and how to maintain that safety from your abuser? 30 days is hardly enough time to get unpacked and catch your breath when you've suffered years of abuse and left everything in a risk for freedom and peace. I know... I have fled abuse.

I have left everything I owned behind and stayed hidden in a safe-house ... six months later I was still trying to feel safe enough to open the window shades and let the sunshine in, much less 30 days - much less being on my feet!

Six months later, I was still exhausted from my nightmares at night. I still had only one pair of shoes to my name, barely two bags of clothes - much less work clothes, and still no place to truly call a home. Six months later I was still driving around with everything I owned in my car... and I only had myself to scrape up from rock bottom... God forbid if I had my children with me - it'd be a whole different ballgame, as it is for many women.

Let me tell you... from experience... there is very little, if any, help at all out there!

In reality most of the shelters and outreach centers offer referrals to other shelters or outreach centers. Legal aid is a catch 22 and usually only helps with obtaining protective orders, which are a piece of paper that mean diddly-squat - they don't truly protect you without enforcement - which usually comes too late.

However, the Address Confidentiality Program is an awesome program, but is only available in 18 states at current time, and is very new, still in its infancy, and far too underfunded for the demand of the victims.

Victims compensation and relocation assistance is tied around so much red tape its damn near impossible to get if you have everything they require in tip top shape and it takes a long time to process. Usually when you need it, you need it right away and your life is in chaos. These services often look good on paper, but the reality of it is that they are not functional at all.

I hate to say it so bluntly, but to be honest with you, assistance for dv victims is a joke.... there is none. It makes DV advocacy work very frustrating and challenging. It makes the fight to end domestic violence seem impossible to win... its certainly an uphill battle.

So, what do we do? Well, we should not ask the question, "Why do they stay?". We NEED to ask the question, "How can we help them once they get out?" How can we stop this struggle of poverty that leads them back?"

We can answer their question of ... "I left... Now what???"

The New England Journal of Medicine states that 10 times more women are victimized by domestic violence than diagnosed with breast cancer each year. I, personally, have had three close friends diagnosed with breast cancer within the last 4 years or so, and one dear friend who has already passed away. Do I dare think how many other women I may personally know that are suffering in silence behind closed doors like I did for so many years? I cannot say for sure, but I do know that two doors down, anything can be happening!

There are outreach centers and resources available with hotlines set up across the country open 24 hours a day with operators who can give you referrals if needed. If you or someone you know is in a violent relationship or situation, please find the strength to seek help.

For the millions of victims out there, there are millions more Survivors too! No more children should have to grow up in an abusive homes! No more women should be caged their whole lives by fear.

Education and awareness is a step. But social involvement and community outreach is imperative if our country is going to stop this vicious cycle. A for all fellow Survivors, lets pull together and lean on each other.

We can combine our strength to help victims that are still out there.

I wish someone had pulled me free. Sure, freedom has its price, being a Survivor changes you, but so does the freedom from fear after being afraid and having to escape to save your own life. A lot of family and friends who knew about the abuse chose to remain quiet and still, to this day, are uncomfortable talking about what I endured!

Nearly 9 years after and I still suffer, I may suffer the rest of my life and that may be my destiny. But I do not suffer in silence any more! Nobody should....see my abuser came back, six years after I left the relationship, gotten a protective order, moved to another state, remarried, and found a new life - - six years later my abuser came back and executed a very meticulously thought out plan to take my child from me, and he succeeded - six years after I left... He campaigned others against me, manipulating many into joining him in parental abduction and false allegations against me, and its been more than two years since I've seen my son. Everyone thought we were safe from him all those yars later; but I always knew he'd have his moment in the end if he could; I had that gut maternal feeling of danger, and I was right. Though, I took all the precautions, did everything they suggest doing, but simply put - the help wasn't there. The people I reached out to didn't take me seriously, thinking I was overreacting since we'd been out of the abuse so long, and I will suffer and pay the price with the pain reaching most importantly, a little boy who lost his mother due to domestic violence. His innocence was shattered, and will never return. Our lives will forever be missing something in the hole that exists where his childhood memories, feelings of safety and security once lived.

I will never get over the pain of losing my little boy. Thats why I will never be silent or be shamed or secreted in the abuse anymore, and I will help make a change wherever I can. That is why I write this today, and ask each reader to share the awareness. Share solutions, and become survivors!

See also Its Almost Tuesday and Share Legal Awareness our associated blogs; and please remember to pass the knowledge along, link to us, post your comments, or contact me at itsalmosttuesday@gmail.com.

(c) 2007 J.M.M., all rights reserved